Know your worth

We all go through stages in our lives where we play various roles and wear different hats. The student…the athlete…the career woman…the wife…the stay at home mom. During all of these stages, although slightly varied, I tried to remain true to myself. As a student, I always strived to do the best I could, and being that academia came to me easier than other things, it was one of the less stressful times of my life (Note: I can only say this now, looking back. At the time, as I’m sure many of us will agree, you think nothing could be harder than trying to fit in, pass that one class that’s literally killing you, graduate, and find yourself; but I digress). Moving on from the “student” phase I became the “athlete”. Being that cheerleading wasn’t….can i say, “within me”… I took the sports route. Softball. Football. Volleyball. Martial Arts. I enjoyed them, they were fun, helped mold me into who I am today, and I was good at them…and it was in my blood. I’ll also loop in theatre here, as it played a huge part of my younger years…and YES, for the sake of argument, I’m combining theatre with sports because if you think for one second that “singing and dancing on stage” (as many of you believe theatre to be) is any less demanding than just “hitting a ball with a bat and running around the bases”, then CLEARLY you’ve never done a broadway show. Often times, extra curricular activities define who you are, keep you out of trouble, while pointing you in the direction of who you aspire to be, who you become. So, yes. The “Sports/Theatre” phase was very fun, very demanding, and very much worth it. Through this, I was just finding myself, and doing whatever I had to do so that i liked who that person was.

Moving on…the career woman. We all go to school. The level of education you complete is entirely up to you. Some need more, some need less. Some stop in High School or right after, some go to a little bit of College, some graduate College, some go beyond. Our education coupled with life’s experiences with a touch of who you know is what lands you a job. Some jobs are better than others, some just plain suck. Sometimes you get lucky and land a great one right away, others take years. But we all do it. I’ve worked in a few different industries in my professional career over the span of just about 15 years. That’s 15 years of gathering experience, skills, perfecting those skills, and becoming the career woman I wanted to be. 15 years of answering to a boss, some of those years spent being someone else’s boss. Starting from the bottom, and also being on the top. Climbing the corporate ladder, and getting knocked down a few times also. But, it made me who I was. Although another phase, it was a time in my adult years that I hated and loved at the same time. I loved feeling accomplished, I loved feeling needed, feeling important, and being reassured that I was good at my job. (I mean, who doesn’t)? I loved spreading my knowledge to others. Within the many duties I had, what I enjoyed most was that I was the person that everyone went to. The one who always had an answer, and if not could help you find it. The one who people could come to who would explain “how to do it easier”…how to make everyone understand. That was one of my big takeaways from College and Grad School, something I brought with me and use even until this day. What I didn’t love was that regardless of where I worked, and how hard I tried, I wasn’t truly happy. I was working my ass off for someone else. Putting my all into projects that took weeks to prepare, only for someone else to get the credit, and me to get a “nice job” or a pat on the back. Or nothing at all. No matter where I was, I was underpaid and overworked. But, that was my life as a hamster running on the Corporate wheel. Although very stressed over these past15 years, I made sure to remain true to myself and not lose hold of who that person was.

Next up…the wife. Little girls dream their whole lives to marry their Prince Charming and be someone’s wife one day. From playing house with our little kitchens, E-Z Bake ovens and dollhouses to having a stroller for our baby dolls, back in the 80’s, gender roles (as many of you know) were clearly defined and not nearly as fluid as they are today. So you grow up looking for that one person that you can picture your forever with. Your person. Your lobster. Like everyone else, after going through my share of wrongs (the school crushes, the good boys, the bad boys, rich boys, not so rich boys, mistakes you wish you could forget, and all the in-between-not-really-a-relationship-I’m-not-sure-what-we-would-be-called-what-are-we type things, you land on a right one. Not just any one, but THE one. The one to end all other first dates, meeting the family, and thinking if it’s going to last. Your potential forever. And just like that, after a few years, tears, ups and downs, I became the wife. Now, preparing for this my whole life, I had to now live up to my own expectations. I’m still trying to do that to this day. This phase puts my heart, ambitions, strength, and love to the test on a daily basis. I’d be lying if I said that there’s nothing my husband and I would change about each other if we had the chance. Believing that is just unrealistic. But, nevertheless, this has been, and continues to be a phase that always requires work and love. A lot of it!

Fast forward a few years, and I am now the stay at home mom. Still very much a wife, but my priorities have vastly shifted. I’m living out another one of my dreams. Being home raising my little nuggets until they’re sent off to school, while I’ve hung up my career woman hat and now put on my mommy hat. Let me start by saying, after working in corporate for so long (my entire adult life, up until that point), it was definitely not a smooth transition to being a stay at home mom. All I knew was how to work. I was just starting out my mom journey while working and it was something that definitely involves learning along the way. We all know the daycare drill…mine was making sure I was out of the house by 6am to take the train and get the baby to daycare before 7, take the train back and get to work by 8. Work till 5, just to repeat the above trip. Get home by 6:30, sometimes later. THEN start dinner/ our night routine. While taking care of a newborn…doing most of this alone because once again, my husband traveled often for work. I was literally exhausted, not to mention depressed because all I thought about while working was that I wanted to be home. I should be home. Fast forward a year and a half later, now we’re both home. Thankful, yet missing parts of the old me, while embracing the new me. But we’ll save that for another chapter of the “Life of Danielle”.

Through all of these phases, you’ll be questioning your worth. When you get skipped over for that promotion at work. When that relationship you really believed in falls apart. When you’re at work and want to be home, when you’re at home but want to be back at work. It happens. I’m here to tell you, never, ever lose sight of who you are. Stay strong, stay true to yourself and know your worth. Because it definitely will be harder to stay around people who don’t. ♛